Dancing through Teaching

Ever since the universe crashed a reckless driver's car into mine I have been sucked into a most unfortunate and irksome vortex.

However, this experience may have provided me with an important lesson. This car accident occurred 4 days before I was to begin student teaching full-time. Not only that but I had an awkward rental car, a rejected fafsa, and recently deceased cat on my mind...and I had to teach Huck Finn throughout all of it.

It's hard to teach when your personal life is all upside down and inside out but teaching has become a form of escapism. When I teach, it is just me, my students, and sometimes an author. I have loved every second of it. It reminds me of my past life as a dancer, always hungry for the spotlight and ready to show a new trick, to influence or open a mind.

My latest stint at performing was last week when I filmed a lesson for my teaching performance assessment. I was also being observed. I thought it would be awkward but I was unaware of the camera's presence. We discussed appropriate and inappropriate qualities of speaking. We made a t chart and I modeled poor and positive speaking habits. My students were laughing and engaged. Everyone did well on the assignment. My supervisor could not stop raving. It was even better than a roaring applause before a closing curtain.

Watching the film wasn't so bad either except for one glaring flaw...two letters: OK.

I must have said "ok" 3 dozen times! It was a way to check for understanding, an exclamation point, and question mark all at the same time. Every thought-sometimes even a fragment of a thought-was punctuated with "ok."

As an avid writer and past dancer, I am no stranger to that constant, gnawing criticism, doubt, and regret. However, it might not be so bad to go back and rehearse. The show must go on and I have to give it my best. Like a seemingly insignificant unpointed foot or lazy turn, a misplaced comma or lack of parallel structure, my perpetual "ok" is something unnecessary and distracting. It detracts from the meaning of what I am saying and fills the space with a nothing. I am not banning "ok" but I am retracing my steps and becoming more aware of what I say. I love this gig but it is my job to do my best, and at this point it's pretty clear that I still have some rehearsing to do.